Resupply came not a moment too soon. The morning started off well enough. I had picked an ideal camp site, about a quarter of a mile off the PCT at Hidden Springs. The sun crept up over the trees and gently woke me with a warmth that soaked into my bones. I lay still for a few minutes, luxuriating in the moment. The distant staccato of woodpeckers served as my alarm clock, finally dragging me out of my tent.
As I sipped my hot breakfast drink I contemplated what I would have been doing were I not here. Probably working and earning money, oblivious to life passing by. It occurred to me that many people wouldn't understand this trip. The struggle and discomfort all to make miles. Yet those same people might sit cramped in a cubicle, shut off from the world, all to make dollars. Guess we're not so different after all. And all that time and money for what? Security, sure. Health insurance, retirement, kids, college, etc. After that? Stuff. Disposable income to spend on junk we don't need. Don't get me wrong, I am an archaeologist at heart. Nobody loves stuff more than I do. There's nothing wrong with it, either - stuff is the ornamentation that gives bursts of color to our lives. I just wonder if perhaps we have come to regard stuff as a substitute for experience. For example, I collect antique books. I don't even read a lot of them, but I like to have them around. I like the look, the smell, the idea that they have passed from hand to hand and touched countless lives. Really, I am creating a landscape in which to pass my urban life. Out here, though, I have no use for more than one book at a time. I pass my days looking at flowers and trees, mountains and sunsets. I laugh at the thought of hauling around a shelf of leather bound books. It is strange and liberating to be able to fit your life into a backpack. I wonder, if I feel lighter without all my boxes of crap, how well are they really serving me?
I still love junk, and that will never change, but I might place a little more focus on collecting experiences rather than stuff in the future. After all, we are what we do. How else do you define yourself? By friendships? But that is just the end result of being socially active and treating people well. By wealth or social standing? That is the outward manifestation of hard work, wise investment, frugality, or luck. Everything seems to come back to action, which makes sense to me because we are ultimately creative beings and action is just another way of saying creation. I once mused about the difference between looking for meaning in life and creating meaning. To me this trip, ultimately, is about creating meaning, for no end other than the creative process itself. Why? Because I guess that's just who I am. Some people are a calm breeze through an alpine meadow. Other people are the stars in a fresh puddle of rain. Some people define their lives as a hot sun on desert stone. I like to think my life is like a storm at sea. Calm lulls in the troughs of great waves. Constant fluctuations between tranquility and struggle, and always a drive toward the crest for a brief glimpse of a limitless horizon. Besides, to search for meaning presupposes that meaning can be found independent of the observer. Even if you believe in a higher power, surely that being would prefer that you create rather than simply adhere to rigid principles. Do we place more value on a child's decision to share when it is enforced by a parent, or when the child independently comes to the conclusion that sharing is the right thing to do?
It was nice being in a philosophic mood. I mentioned before how the brain rewires itself out here. Well I was worried I was peeling away a bit too much. I started this trek thinking a lot about social issues, and the philosophy of ethics. I thought about who I had been and where I was going. I remembered wrongs I had committed and wondered if people could change and sins be forgiven. The realm of the superego. Then my thoughts turned inward. What career would suit me and how should I pursue happiness? What did I really want out of life? I was able to be frank and honest with myself in ways I hadn't been before. Lately, though, after four months and 2300 miles on the trail (as of today, yay!) the id has come forward. It seems like for the last week or two everything has fallen into the categories of food, leisure, and sex. I'll go through my day having weird discussions with myself.
"That's a pretty tree.... Wonder if it's edible."
"Only if you're a termite."
"Don't suppose it's going to magically transform into a feather mattress and a warm glass of milk/nyquil?"
"Doubtful."
"Can I at least have sex with it?"
"That might... chaff a bit."
"Oh forget it. Let's go to Canada."
"That's best."
Where was I going with all this?
Ah, right. So anyway, I started hiking and apparently my legs didn't share in the restorative effects of a tranquil morning. In short, I was about as exhausted as I've been on this trip. Three miles in I had to stop and eat my last remaining meal, for fear that otherwise I wouldn't make it four more miles to White Pass. I think a combination of sun exposure and snow hiking has just drained me. So it was good timing that I was able to get my resupply and have a hearty meal at the Kracker Barrel at the pass (basically a gas station with a seating area attached). To give you an idea of how far in calorie debt I am, here is what I've eaten today (and am still hungry!)
2 Carnation instant breakfast packets
2 tablespoons of peanut butter
A handful of tortilla chips
Grits with dehydrated veggies and ham
An 8 inch turkey sandwich
32 oz. of soda
16 oz. Mocha
22 oz. of beer (Quilters Irish Death - officially the best name for a dark beer ever)
1 rocky road candy bar
2 Andes mints
1 Twix bar
2 handfuls of peanut M&Ms
1 granola bar
1 cup of rice with a packet of curry
I stopped early today, alongside Bumping Creek, after cranking out 14.5 miles after lunch. That makes only 22 miles for the day, which is ok because I was half a day ahead of schedule anyway. Better to take the rest now! The good news, aside from having a short day today, is that I have even more food for this short section that I had anticipated. Should be able to get back to good health quickly, especially since tomorrow should be snow-free.
I just realized I didn't take any pictures today. Not that it matters, since I haven't had internet to post a blog since Oregon anyway. Not much to see today either. Mostly trees and small lakes, like the Sky Lakes section of Oregon actually. I did run into a lot of elk. I was hiking the last few miles through patches of meadow and it seemed like I would startle a small herd around every bend. They're big bastards, and noisy too. Sounds like a massive stampede when they all scatter, even though each group is no more than maybe 4 or 5 animals. Probably saw two dozen, though they were too quick for me to photograph. Tell you what, I'll show you the view from my tent, how about that?
Ha ha. I'm writing this blog at night. Get it?
